Underneath the Beautiful: What Cancer Survivors Carry After Treatment Ends

How do you balance parenting and cancer treatment? Discover the hidden realities of cancer survivorship, caregiver burden, and finding joy in hard seasons.

Navigating a cancer diagnosis is overwhelming, but doing it while raising toddlers adds an entirely new layer of complexity to the journey. In this special listener Q&A episode of the Stage Hope Podcast, we pull back the curtain on their personal experiences balancing motherhood, grueling treatments, and the delicate transition into survivorship. Tuning in will give you a raw, honest look at finding joy in the darkest seasons and equip you with practical insights for supporting yourself or a loved one through life-altering medical news.

After kicking things off with a well-deserved celebration of a New York Knicks playoff win, we dive deep into the realities of parenting through cancer and building a reliable support system. We explore the heavy choices around privacy, shedding light on why keeping a diagnosis quiet can sometimes be the ultimate form of self-preservation. You’ll hear a vital conversation about the often-overlooked reality of caregiver burden, as well as the hidden psychosocial and physical effects of oncology treatment that linger long after chemo ends. Discover the simple mindset shift that helped both moms show up for their families, and find out what strange, lingering physical sensation might actually be a surprising sign of cellular healing.

If this conversation resonated with you or could help someone you love, please subscribe, share, and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or YouTube!

Welcome and Knicks Game Recap

Cassandra Dell: Hey, it’s Cassandra.

Kayoll Gyan: Hey, it’s Kayoll.

Cassandra Dell: And you’re tuned into the Stage Hope Podcast, a place where you can check out from the weight of your everyday worry and check in for joy, hopefully some laughs, and skills to do life better to help you center your well-being.

Kayoll Gyan: So tune in for the gems. Stay to connect. We’re in this together.

Cassandra Dell: This together. Hey, Kayoll.

Kayoll Gyan: Hey, Cassandra. I am so excited. The Knicks won game two. So we had to come on this show repping our Knicks, Para, and Colors. Oh man, that game last night was so good.

Cassandra Dell: It was amazing. I actually was looking at the recast because the kids had me occupied. But you had to find a way to stay up to speed. When I looked at my phone, there were 32 seconds left and it was tied.

I couldn’t see what was going on, but really good players were playing great basketball. I think the Knicks have found a way to click really, really well. This run that they’re doing is amazing to see. It is a great time to be a New Yorker.

Kayoll Gyan: Always a good time to be from New York. And the thing is, this team is so underrated. People think that they’re there by fluke. Sometimes it’s like saying the East is weak and if they were in the West, they wouldn’t be doing this or that. But they went through all the players.

I am so excited. Last night, when Brunson was on the line and he missed the second free throw, I was like, oh my gosh, he never misses the free throw. Then the one thing, Cornette kicked the ball and the ref didn’t see it and it went out of bounds. The Spurs got the possession.

Oh man. And then when Wemby went to shoot the final shot, I thought that it was game over to be honest because he was wide open. For him to miss that shot point-blank, I’m just like, wow, Lord.

Cassandra Dell: Unreal.

Kayoll Gyan: I was so excited. I was so happy when he missed that shot.

Cassandra Dell: They got out by the skin of their teeth. Watching the game quarter by quarter, you’re like, how are we doing this? But we are. I just think it’s a pleasure after 27 years to be seeing this. They are making history in one way or another with this run. I’m just happy that we get to see it.

Kayoll Gyan: And the thing is, all the players are lovable for whatever reason. They’re all fighting, good guys energy.

Cassandra Dell: I’m loving Kat and I’m loving the grit.

Kayoll Gyan: Yeah, he is coming out so forceful. I love OG. I feel like OG is the unsung hero. That award would go to OG Anunoby because whenever you need him, OG’s there. Whenever you need a block, OG’s there. When you need a bucket, he shows up with his threes. I love him so much. He is so good.

Cassandra Dell: It’s been so good. I know we could talk about it forever, but we had to rep with the color. I’m loving the jacket. Super fly.

Kayoll Gyan: Thank you. Shout out to your parents for gifting me this last week.

Cassandra Dell: I love it on you. Wearing it all summer until this stretches. Two more, baby. In this jacket. That’s it. But it’s okay.

Listener Q&A: Introductions and Backgrounds

Kayoll Gyan: All right. So what are we talking about today, Cass?

Cassandra Dell: This episode is actually just answering some questions that we fielded from our community and our listeners. We wanted to have a checkpoint and answer some really good questions about what it’s like to be us and what it’s like to live our lives in this season right now.

Kayoll Gyan: We’ve gotten so much engagement, conversation, and posting from the first couple episodes that we released. Thank you all for listening and thank you for subscribing. Please subscribe if you haven’t already on YouTube or Apple Podcasts. We’re everywhere on TikTok and IG. Shout out, please follow us.

Cassandra Dell: We love it. Again, the support has been great. We want to make sure that this platform gets to the right people. But with no further ado, let’s kick into these questions. Give the people what they want.

First in, we have—if people don’t know already—Cassandra and Kayoll are moms. First question in: how did we manage our kids post-treatment and into survivorship? Let’s address treatment first.

Kayoll Gyan: Yeah. And I think in addition to that, let’s take a step back. Who are we? What do you do?

Cassandra Dell: All right. I am Cassandra. It’s such a great question to ask who we are. I’m a mother to two, Haitian American, first gen, from Brooklyn. I live upstate. I’m an engineer by education and in product management by trade currently.

I want to get outside. I want to look good and feel fly. I want to get more into arts and crafts. It’s a side of me that I want to do more. I want to be more creative and I want to connect more with our community. So that’s me. Kayoll?

Kayoll Gyan: Nice to meet you. I am Dr. Kayoll Gyan by profession. I’m a nurse scientist. All that means is I have a PhD in nursing research.

In terms of work, I work at a cancer hospital and conduct research in supporting cancer patients and survivors by understanding their coping mechanisms as they’re going through treatment and into survivorship. I look at the role of spirituality and how to provide spiritual care and social support to young adults with cancer. That’s my day job.

First and foremost, I’m a child of God. My faith is a big part of my life and my support. Christ has been my support, especially going through diagnosis, but I’ve been a Christian since I was a child. I am married to a wonderful guy named Frank. We have two boys who are six and eight right now.

I’m a big sports fan. As the jacket may tell, basketball is my favorite sport. I just had a flashback of Bow Wow: “Basketball is my favorite...”

Cassandra Dell: You did not just give everybody a timestamp to our age. Oh Lord.

Kayoll Gyan: I definitely bowed my head as I was saying that line. But yeah, I’m a big sports fan. Basketball is the main one, but I really will sit and watch most sports to learn more about it and just be a part of it.

I’m Jamaican as well. I’m from New York. My husband and I are from New York, but we’re living in Boston right now. We’re in enemy territory, but I’m repping the Knicks to the fullest. My husband is a Lakers fan—shout out to Kobe, his favorite player—so I can’t be mad at that.

Cassandra Dell: No, thank you for that intro. That was awesome.

Parenting and Support Systems During Treatment

Cassandra Dell: So, how did we manage these little kiddos in the wrath of fire, navigating treatment and now survivorship? What was life for you and the kids? Did they know?

Kayoll Gyan: They were very young at the time. I think I was fortunate for that because we used the word cancer, but they didn’t know what cancer is. They didn’t know what connotations that brings about when people hear the word, which often is death and all of that.

I’m thankful that they didn’t have to carry the full weight of a cancer diagnosis being children. They were four and two at the time. In terms of what Frank and I communicated to them, it was just that mommy was a bit tired or mommy isn’t feeling well.

Either after a chemo session or after I had surgery, that was it. We would keep them close if they wanted to be around me. Sometimes we would let them come in the bed and just sit by the wall just to be in my presence even if I was napping.

Frank was the one managing them most of the time. He’d let them come in the room to say hi, but then also let them come out to go play in the living room. I think I managed primarily because of the support from my husband and him being so hands-on in that season.

Any phone calls I got, he was screening to make sure it was somebody that I actually wanted to talk to and not somebody that would ask crazy questions about the diagnosis. He tried to make sure people I spoke to were people I cared about and who wanted to make sure I was okay. Sometimes people are just nosy.

My parents would come up every so often to visit and hang out with the boys, so that was helpful. We’re in Boston, but our family is in New York. Our friends did a great job being a support for us too. Our church friends here would help with the boys.

They set up a meal train for us. Every week someone would take responsibility for ordering meals or sending a Grubhub gift card. That was tangible support we needed because sometimes you just don’t have time to cook. You get home and you’re just tired and you’re like, “Okay, what’s for dinner?”

Even if I wasn’t necessarily eating, the house still had to continue. The children still needed to be fed. They needed to go here and there. It was very helpful to have one less thing to think about and to not be the one to figure it out.

I’m in the oncology field, so I was supported by people who knew so much more about the treatment and chemo aspect. Having friends like Dr. Tomide Famulusi or my mentor Jill Hamilton was huge.

They were such a source of informational support and helped me with decision-making. When I needed help with managing pain and couldn’t remember what pill went first or second, I could call them. Sometimes it’s quicker and easier to call a friend than the hospital. I was thankful to God that I had these people in my life who made time to carry us through that season.

Cassandra Dell: I resonate so much with what you said there. When I think about the parent side of all this, you’re right; not all people are fortunate enough to have that help. They still have to push through.

The parts of parenthood that I needed to put down while in treatment was the act of preparing food for kids. One of the most laborious things for a parent is the logistics. Getting the kids ready for school, making sure they’re fed, and attending events.

When I went through this, it was a very cold season—November to March. We’re in the crux of winter upstate, proper freezing cold. It was one of the coldest winters I had seen, so I really had no need to be outside, outside of going to treatment.

I was completely isolated. I had told minimal people. Kayoll knew because I knew she had gone through the experience. But with managing kids, the biggest thing was I just was not preparing food. I was super nauseous.

Thankfully, I had my mother-in-law, my aunt-in-law, my mother, and my sister. My husband was a consistent person showing up daily. A good friend of mine attended treatment with me and sat with me in the days that I couldn’t.

Specifically about managing kids, it was: “Girl, you’re not cooking.” You’re not physically playing around. They would come every now and then to check in. They were six and three at the time.

Two biggest recognitions: I could tell they knew mom was not well when I would lay down and they’d say, “Mommy needs some teeth.” It was “teeth” and not “tea.” I thought that was so cute. And visually, when I had lost all my hair, my son said, “You look like Dada.”

Kayoll Gyan: Did you cut your hair around your children?

Cassandra Dell: Yes. I was in the bathroom and they knew to step aside. They could hear the buzzers. My son kept looking back and forth like, “Wait a minute, mommy looks like dad now.” We all just cracked up.

I love that the humor was there. I made no big deal of it. It was coming out in clumps anyway. To have your child bring a light part to it was something I received really well.

Decisions Around Privacy and Disclosure

Kayoll Gyan: You said you didn’t tell a lot of folks. What went into that decision? You have a family of a lot of women.

Cassandra Dell: It was cultural. In my immediate family, when we go through hard times, we walk through it. My mom is religious. She said this is a journey between you and God. She felt like we were in position and had the necessities without involving additional people.

When you’re going through a hard time, people might pry in a way that’s not healthy. It sounds more like gossip and information than genuine sincerity. My decision was that this is a walk with self.

I equated it to when a mom is pregnant in the first three months. She may not share even though it’s a beautiful thing to celebrate because you’re protecting something. I felt that theme to protect. My cousins are like my brothers and sisters, so when I did tell them, I felt bad that I robbed them of being able to help me.

Kayoll Gyan: I can resonate with that. At the end of the day, it’s your body. I remember we would have a prayer line and after a while, we decided to stop. I believe in the power of prayer, but after a while, it’s like, “Okay God, I know you’ve heard my prayer.”

It’s going to be a spiritual walk that I’m going to have to take. It’s a walk that changes you, your relationship with God, and how you think God sees you. It’s a revelationary thing for you as you come out of it and reflect on what you learned about yourself and your maker.

Cassandra Dell: Now I’ve made peace with it. My immediate family knows and I feel relieved. Some of them were thankful they didn’t know because they wouldn’t have known what to do being away. I trusted it was the right decision.

Advice for Seeking and Providing Support

Cassandra Dell: Next question: If you could have had any additional support, or if you were making a recommendation to someone going through it now, what would that look like for you?

Kayoll Gyan: Even if you decide to go through treatment alone, pick one person to talk to. There’s going to come a time where you just need to get something off your chest. Isolation is a side effect of diagnosis and treatment.

Finding a place where you can find strength, or allowing a friend to come and be close to you even if you don’t talk, makes a difference. Resist the urge to isolate yourself. Sometimes picking up the phone to talk normally about life is beneficial.

Cassandra Dell: The only other thing that would have helped is if I had an additional hand to care for our kids outside of the home. At one point the help has to leave, and in that transitional period, I could see the weight on my husband.

I felt the weight of the people caring for me, and I wanted them to be supported too. The help gets tired even though they show up relentlessly. I wanted them to feel fueled because caring for an adult is no easy feat.

Maybe I could have shared a little bit more so not every grocery run was on them. Thankfully there’s Instacart. And maybe food variance. My family are excellent cooks, and I felt bad not eating it. Sometimes I could only eat an apple. I was eating a lot of carbs; maybe having more healthy options or variants would have helped.

Recognizing the Burden on Caregivers

Kayoll Gyan: Caregiver burden is real. It’s hard showing up to care for others because the caregiver is also a person with needs. My mom developed high blood pressure from me being diagnosed. She’d never had it in her life.

She’s very quiet and keeps things inside. I always hoped that her siblings were showing up for her and checking in on her. I don’t know how often she opened up. She probably put on a strong face.

The weight on the caregiver often gets forgotten, whether it’s a parent or a spouse. I know Frank was going through his own stuff too, even though he said he was fine. What was our husbands’ experience? It was completely different from what we were feeling.

Cassandra Dell: It makes me that much more empathetic to people who are caregivers. There are kids with disabilities or people caring for the elderly. You don’t know what someone has showed up with when they say good morning.

You were teaching; I was showing up with head wraps and painted eyebrows after they fell out. I hold a huge space for people lifting and moving through life in that way.

Finding Joy and Maintaining Mindset

Cassandra Dell: How do you manage hard news and still live life? Still push through and find the good moments?

Kayoll Gyan: I had an ultrasound in the summer and was told to come back in three months. I went on my first solo trip with the boys. It was in my mind, but maybe I was in denial. I really tried to be present.

We flew to North Carolina, Nashville, and Dallas. I just wanted everything to be fine, so I leaned into that more than thinking the negative.

Cassandra Dell: Same here. Before treatment, I went to a wedding in Mexico. You’re trusting that everything’s going to be fine and you have the necessary resource.

I did have a moment on the trip where I cried. An aunt-in-law was praying over me and said, “You’ve gone this far. You’re going to be here to see your kids.” Once I heard that, I let the river fall out.

When I was in it, I went to my son’s winter play. I was feeling like crap and nauseous, but I told myself, “You’re going to get up and go. You’re going to put the head wrap on.” I could feel the uneasiness, but I was proud of myself for showing up. Challenging things will show up and you still have to find that little crack in the mountain that lets light in. Seeing him brought lightness to a hard moment.

Kayoll Gyan: It speaks to how important your mindset is. Unpleasant things will always be there—pain, nausea, fatigue—but what do you choose to focus on? Are you going to feed the negative thoughts? Once you get your mind off of it, you realize the pain has dulled.

Cassandra Dell: You have to let yourself feel the feels. For some, there’s a lag. You have treatment and for the first couple hours you’re all right, then it sets in and you’re delicate.

I would call you and ask what you did with the nausea. You told me to keep eating bread and rice. That small humor was a component of lightness that you need to invite in.

Hidden Realities of Treatment and Survivorship

Cassandra Dell: What are some things people would not know about what’s taking place behind the scenes in treatment or survivorship?

Kayoll Gyan: I’ll focus on the psychosocial things. Your emotions and mental state are forever changed. In survivorship, the experience of worry, anxiety, and depression is real.

Young cancer survivors are significantly more likely to be on antipsychotic medications to help them manage that. The weight of that experience still takes a toll—fear of recurrence, fertility, and body image changes.

Although the person shows up and looks beautiful, underneath that, they may be dealing with many dimensions of care needs they don’t verbalize. Check in with your friends in survivorship because they still may be going through those things.

Navigating Long-term Physical and Emotional Effects

Cassandra Dell: You have to recalibrate everything. People may not recognize that treatment isn’t always just a pill; you’re sitting there for hours getting medication intravenously.

There are long-lasting changes. Medication changes your energy levels on a cellular level. Our digestive tract has to reboot. Chemo may compromise your fertility. When they cut body parts, they’re cutting nerves. People say you look great, but you can’t feel it.

I’m now more in tune with my body than I’ve ever been. I can feel when I’m stressed. On the side where I was radiated, I feel a light burn or tension. It usually happens if I’ve had a solid workout or sensory overload with the kids. I take deep breaths and stretch. The Cassandra of the past would have ignored that, but now I see it and register it.

Kayoll Gyan: I feel that too in the breast I had reconstruction on. A friend told me it sounds like nerve regeneration—a nerve trying to come back alive.

Cassandra Dell: That gives me a good sign. It gives me hope that your body is trying to restore itself. What I mentally think is alarming might be a sign of healing. I’m inviting that.

Conclusion and Community Engagement

Kayoll Gyan: This was nice answering audience questions. Please send us more. Subscribe to our Substack and follow us on all platforms.

Cassandra Dell: Like, share, subscribe. It’s therapeutic for us, but we want to make sure this gets to the right people. Talk to you soon.

Kayoll Gyan: Bye-bye.