Do Less, Better: Reflection, Purpose, and the Season Ahead

Overwhelmed by goals? In this podcast episode, discover how daily self-reflection, finding your purpose, and doing less better transforms personal growth.

Do you find yourself trapped in a cycle of starting projects but struggling to cross the finish line? In this episode of Stage Hope, Kayoll and Cassandra explore the transformative power of daily self-reflection and how to break free from the heavy pressure of doing it all. Tune in to learn how shifting your focus to doing “less better” can help you reclaim your time, energy, and overall peace of mind.

The co-hosts open up about the realities of juggling motherhood, demanding careers, and how surviving a life-altering breast cancer diagnosis radically shifted their approach to time management and work-life balance. They break down actionable self-development strategies, including the ARC framework for beating procrastination and the bold concept of “heading to the red” when faced with daunting tasks. You’ll hear an honest conversation about setting boundaries, the hidden dangers of perfectionism, and why relying on a strong spiritual foundation can help center your daily actions. Will working harder on yourself than your job actually cure your burnout, or is the real secret to personal growth simply learning to embrace the chaos?

If you are ready to set intentional goals for the season ahead, make sure to subscribe and leave a review!

Introduction and Current Challenges

Kayoll Gyan: Hello. Welcome to another episode of Stage Hope. How are you doing today, Cass?

Cassandra Dell: I find that I’m in a space of reflection and just trying to invite more ease. All in all, the day is pushing through very nicely. I cannot complain. How about you?

Kayoll Gyan: I am working on this grant application that’s due internally January 2nd. I’m in the midst of it right now. I have drafted parts of it and sent it up. I just finished meeting with one of my mentors for feedback, which was a really good conversation.

I was in the middle of adjusting it to resend it out to everybody, but I have a few more sections that I need to draft that have been coming slowly. I have about three weeks left to my deadline, so I’m feeling a bit tense as the days are creeping by.

I’m trying to stay calm, positive, and prayerful. God knows I need to do this and he’ll help me. I’m trying to take a piece of your calmness and a piece of your zen-ness right now to get through this day.

Cassandra Dell: All I say is that you got this. I always feel like we never understand how the solution is going to fall, especially when we have a lot to do. I am trusting that you’re going to get this done, and it will be well received.

I have a space for that because I know the agita associated with deadlines. You’re like, “Get off me,” but it’s approaching and you will get it done.

Kayoll Gyan: Thank you. Thank you so much.

Reflecting on Goals and Values

Cassandra Dell: Speaking of trying to invite more ease and the current situations we have going on in our lives, we felt that it would be a really nice focus to share with the audience what’s on our minds.

What are our goals? What are our values? What are some habits and actions that we want to do more of as the year progresses, and what are some things that we’re trying to X out?

Based on all of the moving parts we have in our lives, I think it’s a good time of reflection. It’s always a good time to just be still for a little bit so that we can process, take in, and remove what we need to in order to be better.

We’ll probably volley into this. Cut me off if you need to, because I’m wordy. Let’s just dive right in. I am going to ask that Dr. Kayoll Gyan go first.

The Importance of Daily Self-Reflection

Kayoll Gyan: Okay. We were talking about some things that we’re trying to work on. I was telling Cassandra that my husband and I started listening to more self-development speakers, like motivational speakers.

Frank put me on to this guy named Jim Rohn. He’s a motivational speaker and he’s just been playing him throughout the day in the house and in the background. I started listening to him and thinking, “Who is Jim Rohn?”

He’s known in the self-development space for advocating for self-development as a way to success. He talks a lot about the importance of responsibility, hard work, and self-discipline to reach one’s potential.

In listening to a few of his messages, his lectures or lessons, he has been talking a lot about self-reflection and the importance of doing that. He gave an example: if you were in a business, when would be the right time to evaluate what is going on?

You wouldn’t wait five years down the line to look at a business. By then, it’s been off track and things are going down. That’s too late. Is it the first day you start something? No, that may be too early.

He talks about the importance of self-reflection in our daily life. Time is such a valuable asset that we can’t get back once it’s gone. At the end of each day, taking a few minutes before you go to bed just to sit and reflect about what you did that day.

Did you do something well? Was there something that was hard? Was there something that you felt you could have done a little better or a situation you could have handled differently?

The idea of self-reflection is not something that I have done consistently. I know there’s value in it, but I just have not consistently done that. Once I make a plan, I just go through and do it, and if things aren’t working, then I stop and look.

It’s not really reflexive or intentional in the way that I’ve done it before leading up to this point. So we have been having conversations about how we can be more reflective as individuals, but also as a family with our children.

What are the goals that we’re writing down that we want for ourselves and how are we taking action? The other part he talks about is that goals on paper are nice, but if there’s no action to it, it’s not going to do anything.

Cassandra Dell: It’s just a dream.

Kayoll Gyan: Right? It’s just a dream. So what are the actions that we’re going to take towards these goals, and then the reflective piece to check in with ourselves and each other about how we’re doing? I don’t know, are you big on reflection? Are you intentional in that way?

Balancing Ideation and Action

Cassandra Dell: Man, I think I probably do too much reflection, I might say. Sometimes I tend to be so reflective that I’m not taking action. Everything is in the ideation phase or it’s wonder.

I’m wondering what I should do next. I’m thinking I should do it next. I find that I brew so much that I feel like stored potential energy. When are you actually taking action? What does getting stronger physically feel like?

It’s not just the mindset of, “I think I could work out today,” but just letting it be imperfect. To your question, I think this past 365 days, I’ve been more reflective than I have probably ever been in my life.

It’s not consistent every day because I find that the sheer pace of the week changes. I create some grace in how it looks, but I do want to build more consistency. I’m trying to figure out what that looks like, whether it be in the morning or towards the evening.

Kayoll Gyan: Do you think you are stuck on perfection? Are you a perfectionist?

Cassandra Dell: Yes and no. I find that I am a starter, but I want to work on closing. I’m trying to be a Kobe Bryant. Who is the closer? Who are you going to pass the ball to when you are met with a challenge?

It’s not that we all don’t have challenges. It’s how are you closing it? How are you not letting it brew and grow and become this big cloud that just expands? How do you close it so that you can make more time for efficiency?

Part of the things I’m segueing into is that I want to do less better. I have so many tabs open. I’m about to coin this trademark. I want to do less better. There are so many different aspects of our lives: spiritual, financial, mental, creativity.

When I think about all the spinning plates, I try to look at 24 hours or a week and say, “What were you doing?” Part of being an adult, and more specifically being a parent, is you’re always going to be cleaning.

Kayoll Gyan: Say that again. Yeah.

Cassandra Dell: I saw a post that was like, “90% of our lives is cleaning and cooking.” It’s just the day to day. How are you taking the busy hum of life and saying, “Yes, I know I need to clean, but I also want to do this and this”?

What I find is I’ve picked up so many things that I’m not becoming an expert or efficient at anything. I’m just doing a lot of little things.

Kayoll Gyan: Isn’t there a phrase for that? Like when people become a jack of all trades, master of none.

Cassandra Dell: Master of none. I want to ask myself to be better at being more selective so that I don’t have the engine running all the time. I want to put my energy towards the things that I want to drive to the finish line by the end of 2026.

Less brewing. I have done away with a planner, and people know I love my stencils and my little stickers and I like making things look good. But what I’ve been trying to do more of is: What do you have to do? What would be nice to have? And what do you need to let go of?

I always want to work out. Doing less better is part of it. I know you two are juggling a lot of things. What are your thoughts on that?

Overcoming Procrastination through Purpose

Kayoll Gyan: I resonate a lot with what you said about finishing what you start. I have so many projects going on. I’m writing so many different papers, and I have trouble finishing them out.

I will start it, write it, and get through the analysis. But I find that the last bit that needs to be done—the last bit of concentration to sit, format it, check for grammar—is sometimes so hard for me to get back to.

I have so many projects that are in that “almost finished” stage. I don’t need them to be almost; I need them to be done and off my to-do list so I can feel satisfaction when I finally cross them out. I do need to be better at finishing what I start.

Cassandra Dell: Let’s dig into that. It’s a beautiful thing to bring recognition to it and have the self-awareness. What do you feel like is preventing you from closing out anything? What is that?

Kayoll Gyan: Whenever I have certain things to do, I start thinking about it. Thinking about it sometimes makes it feel overwhelming to go back and reorient myself. I need to go back to the thing quicker.

In that space of other things coming up, the distance creates a kind of anxiety to go back and finish. Then I procrastinate. It’s a terrible cycle. I know it, and sometimes I still fall into it.

Listening to this guy, he talks about purpose. When your actions align with your purpose, it makes things easier to fall in line. I have been trying to reshape my thinking so that I connect what I’m doing with a bigger purpose.

I’m not just writing a paper to write a paper. I’m writing a paper because the topic is important and I think it will help other people. I’ve worked with people to get this far, and I owe them and myself the satisfaction of pushing it to the finish line as a testament to our hard work.

I’ve been trying to change my thinking to make things less tense when I have trouble getting up. You’re not always going to feel motivated. But I have heard that if you connect your actions to your purpose and what God has put you here to do, then you realize what you’re doing is bigger than you. It’s bigger than these small, tense feelings I feel. So, get over it.

Cassandra Dell: This is resonating with me. For you, it’s very much the act of purpose. I’ve been listening to Charles Duhigg, and he teaches something that goes by the acronym of ARC. A is anticipation: How am I creating a looking-forward-to mindset?

R is relaxation: How am I letting my central nervous system come to grips with it? And C is connection: Making it meaningful or purposeful.

When I have something really big to do, I use a suggestion I got from a manager years back: “Head to the red.” What that means is when you have something that is big or challenging, don’t just scurry to the small things like washing the plates or taking a quick shower.

Kayoll Gyan: You’re avoiding it.

Cassandra Dell: Well, you should shower every day for cleanliness, but do you really need to do that to do the thing that’s due in that moment? I find that I tend to procrastinate because I’m building a sense of agita around sitting down and actually tackling the thing I need to tackle.

I’m like, “Oh yeah, let me call my mom. Let me answer this short email. Let me grab the low-hanging fruit.” Instead, take the energy you have in the morning and dive in instead of dodging it and losing time.

Shifting Perspectives After a Health Crisis

Kayoll Gyan: It’s like we know what to do, but we’ve got to do it. How has being diagnosed with breast cancer and finishing treatment affected how you view time or your purpose?

Cassandra Dell: Time is a currency that I think we all take for granted. When you go through something that challenges your existence, it challenges you in that moment. For those who are able to heal and get past the treatment, you still have your mind to heal. That is a forever life journey.

I tend to savor moments that I was not savoring before. My children are six and three. They need us. They are learning to be small humans, but their EQ is not yet fully developed. I find that I was quick to react in places where I shouldn’t.

I want to be more present. I want to stop the multitasking so I can really be with the people I want to be with and look them in the eye. Before this, I took my health for granted. I would eat anything. If I had to burn the midnight oil, I would.

What that diagnosis has done is made me say that without your health, none of these things are possible. No matter what I have going on, I will literally ask myself, “Have you had water? You’re about to answer this email, but what did you do for yourself?” If the answer is nothing, I will literally get up from what I’m doing.

I’m not playing around with it. I’m praying that doesn’t soften as I go back to work. I’m not even a year out of treatment. When something is super raw, it’s like grief; it’s loud and in your face. I’m curious, with you being a little further away, how has the diagnosis changed the way you move?

Navigating Physical Limits and Priorities

Kayoll Gyan: I finished treatment in 2022, so I’m almost three years removed now. When I finished, I had all this renewed sense of purpose. I didn’t want to stress so much about work. Work was such a big part of the anxiety in me, and I didn’t want that to be the case anymore.

At the time, I didn’t really find what I was doing meaningful. I’m a nurse scientist. I do research on vaccination decisions, which is very important, but I was losing my passion for that topic.

I was consistently studying the role of culture and religion in health decisions as a secondary area, but I didn’t know how to make that shift because so much of my work was already published in the first area.

When I was finished with treatment, I was like, “I’m wasting time. I want to do what I’m actually interested in.” I had a conversation with a world-renowned researcher who said, “Listen, you can’t do both. You have a family, you have children, you are tired. Trying to carry two programs of research is not going to work. If this is what you want to do, just do it.”

That conversation was so freeing. I felt like I was in a box and had to continue with what I started. Since 2022, I’ve been trying to make that transition, and it’s been very slow.

I didn’t realize after treatment that I was really fatigued. I was dealing with issues with concentration. By six o’clock, I would be done. I had no energy, but I was still trying to behave like I did before the diagnosis.

I’m a night person. I would stay up all hours of the night doing work, wake up, and then take the children to school. But I realized I am literally not the same person. I had a hard time figuring out how I function now.

I was just trying to fit what I was doing before into who I am now, and it wasn’t lining up. That gave me a lot of stress. I called my mentor, Jill, one day crying because I thought I was going to lose my job.

She told me, “Listen, your brain is just different now. You’ve just got to figure out how this new brain works and figure out what you’ve got to do with where you are in life.”

Since then, I’ve been trying to figure out my limit. How far can I push myself before I feel too stressed or tired? I used to go to bed at 3 a.m. and wake up at 7 a.m. fully functioning. I can’t do that anymore.

I realized my limit is like midnight or maybe 1 a.m. In those times, Frank knows he has to do the children in the morning because I’m going to need to sleep in to get those hours back.

I’m verbalizing to Frank what I need rather than just trying to figure it out myself. I used to take on everything like I was superwoman, and I’m not. So, I’m figuring out my limit and trying not to fall back into old patterns.

Cassandra Dell: It’s ingrained in us. It’s a part of us.

Kayoll Gyan: Unless you’re intentional, it’s still going to be there. That’s why I’m trying to listen to these self-help people and find something feasible to integrate into my world. I’m still figuring this out three years later.

What does this look like? Eating-wise, being physically active, spiritually sound, and parenting. Knowing now when my children come home, I need to put the work down, turn the computer off, and talk to them. I need to make eye contact and hug them.

Managing Overstimulation and Technology

Cassandra Dell: That part. It’s so funny that we started this conversation with time. A lot of the things we’re mentioning, whether it be being busy at work or asking your husband for help, sounds like discernment.

We’re always going to have these spinning plates. There are going to be days where the demand is on your children and not on work, and then it shifts. We both have two small kids, we’re both married, but my life is not yours.

It’s really important right now where we’re taking in so much information—self-help, spiritual practices, religion. I’m literally ingesting so many things. It’s important to ask what that means in terms of me. How do I make it applicable so that I’m not overstimulating the expectations of what ought to be done?

Kayoll Gyan: Making it even another stressor for yourself because you’re not meeting those goals.

Cassandra Dell: Exactly. We’re taking in a lot of information. I realized I’m listening to so many podcasts and YouTube clips and reels that I am not reading. I can’t remember the last time I read a book in chronological order. I keep starting and then restarting because I forget where I left off.

Kayoll Gyan: I like that we’re in the book club because I learned that listening to audiobooks is reading. I used to wonder how people finish so quickly when I’m used to buying a physical book. Maybe I need to do more audiobooks while I’m on a walk or doing something.

Cassandra Dell: Speaking of technology, one of my actions is that I need to take a pause from social media.

Kayoll Gyan: Girl, don’t we all?

Cassandra Dell: I need to put my phone down. Sometimes a time-taker is not just a meltdown your child is having. The time-taker is in those small moments, like being on my phone right after a meeting or even during one.

I’m devaluing the moment of attention to the movie, to my husband, or to my children because I’m trying to multitask. In moments where I have an opportunity to not have my phone on me, I’m looking for the next thing to do. “Did I message this person?” Can you just give me five minutes?

Kayoll Gyan: I experience that a lot when I’m trying to do my quiet time and read my Bible. All the things I didn’t do come back to my mind. I have to put it off. It’s such a distraction.

Punctuality and Personal Standards

Cassandra Dell: I think even trusting that, yes, we’re going to forget things. If it’s urgent and time-sensitive, sure. But if I tell myself I need tomatoes for a recipe tonight, it’s not a deal-breaker to wait.

Allowing your mind to be more fluid and not trying to busy it up with all the things. I struggle to do nothing. I have this concept that it will build traffic or a bottleneck on the back end.

For example, packing for a trip. My preference is to pack a little bit each day instead of doing it all at once. My husband is better at saying, “This is the moment. I know I need a break. I’m going to take it.”

The Knicks are on, and he doesn’t hear any of us because he’s watching the game. I want that deliberateness. Don’t just muscle through because resilience is some badge of honor. Who are you performing for?

Kayoll Gyan: Are you going to get a sticker at the end?

Cassandra Dell: Part of that is putting social media down so I can properly rest. I commend Dane for that. My husband is a busybody, but he still finds time to do that. Maybe they’re onto something.

Kayoll Gyan: I can’t tune the kids out the way that he does. What kind of magic trick is that?

Cassandra Dell: I really want to tap into that because it is going to be noisy and messy. I want to embrace chaos a little bit more. It’s not going to look like Instagram.

Kayoll Gyan: Instagram is not a real place.

Cassandra Dell: I want to be better at understanding that I’m not in control of how the solution happens. My Type A personality kicks in. How do you handle failure? Like, if you wanted to be at an event at 8:30 and it’s 10:00 and you’re not there. What is the brain response?

Kayoll Gyan: I’m not always the most on-time person. Let me just start by saying that. But there are places where I find it is very important to be on time. Frank, on the other hand, thinks we’ll get there when we get there.

One of those places is the airport. If we have an 8 a.m. flight, they shut the door 15 minutes before takeoff. That means we have to be there by 7:45. To give us an hour for security, that’s 6:45. To leave the house is another hour.

My husband wants to leave the house for an 8 a.m. flight at 7 a.m. He says we can make it. No. It stresses me out. I’m not going to be a happy partner if we’re going late.

I am trying to do my best with being on time now, but I still get places late. I don’t like it because I’m rushing and I feel all the pent-up intensity inside. I’ve been trying to Google traffic and give ourselves 45 minutes to get somewhere on time. Not meeting deadlines is stressful to me.

Cassandra Dell: We’ve talked about reflection and time. I want to go back to things outside of work.

Kayoll Gyan: Even then, I still talk a lot about work. This is crazy to me. I need to let it go.

Setting Specific Goals for Growth

Cassandra Dell: What’s fascinating to me is that work and a flight are the two things where you’ll bend over backwards. I want to apply that energy to other things, like self-development.

Kayoll Gyan: That’s what Jim Rohn was saying. You need to work harder on yourself than you do on your job. That math is not mathing for me because if I have a deadline, the first thing I give up is working out and eating properly.

I need to change that because I know where this path leads. I want to like what I see when I look in the mirror. That includes movement, walking, and physical activity.

Cassandra Dell: Improvement isn’t just about the desire; it’s about having the tools. You’re going to have deadlines. It’s not about perfection; it’s about seeing the deadline and maybe still taking a 15-minute walk.

I don’t think I see the value in it sometimes. I feel like I need to stop everything because the deadline is here. I don’t understand that a workout actually feeds into your brain. So, what are we going to do about this?

Kayoll Gyan: All these things we said we need to do better at. How are we going to do it?

Cassandra Dell: For social media, I need to delete it. I’m an addict. Some people put focus times on their phones, but I need to get rid of it because it’s impulsive. I’m not exempting YouTube, TikTok, or Instagram. I need to put it down.

Number two is planning ahead the night before. Don’t just let tomorrow come. Ask yourself what the non-negotiable is for that day. If I have a busy week, I might try to meal prep on a Saturday instead of Sunday. Sunday is supposed to be the day of rest.

How are you planning for the time instead of trying to make the decision in the moment? Get that notepad and ask yourself where you need to focus. Don’t lie to yourself and create a negative feedback loop.

I want to do less better. I’m going to stop beating myself up so I can recover faster. If I miss something, I move forward instead of dwelling on what already transpired. I’m going to make my bed in the morning; it takes 30 seconds.

I want to find small visual “yeses” in my day. While I love the comfort of sweats, I feel good when I’m dressed up. I’m going to shop my closet more. Less consumerism. Maybe it’s a pop of red lip or a different nail polish to spice up the day. It creates something to look forward to.

Kayoll Gyan: You’ve said a lot. When there are a lot of things we want to improve on, tackling it all at once is hard. Picking one thing to try for the month may be a good start.

Cassandra Dell: What are the top three things in front of mind right now for you?

Kayoll Gyan: I want more movement. I work from home a lot, and I feel like I don’t go outside. I want to be more intentional with going somewhere that requires me to move. I’ve always been an athlete, but in adulthood, it’s been hard to be active.

I joined a running club in North Carolina, but since moving to Boston, I haven’t integrated that consistently. Physical activity is a social activity for me, too. I’ve been thinking about trying [solidcore] or Pilates.

I tried to join an adult basketball league, but the place burned down, so that’s on hold. I want to be consistent with putting movement first two or three days a week.

Second, I want to do more reflecting at the end of the day. Having that quiet time to think about what I did and what I want to do better. Writing, journaling, and talking to God about it.

I did that a lot while I was in treatment, but the routine of life pulled me away from that “me time.” I want to be more mindful and intentional with that. I’ll stick with those two for now.

Spiritual Alignment and Mental Clarity

Cassandra Dell: My top few things are doing less better. I want to do a group class because they motivate me. But since they are far away, sometimes I’m not as motivated. There’s a park around the block that’s more accessible. Can I just lift 10 pounds at the house?

The second thing is organization. The mail is piling up. I want to avoid rushing out the house and coming back to a whirlwind. Maybe that means purging. While I’m in a session at work, I can have a trash bag and throw out stuff I don’t need.

The third thing is grounding myself spiritually through meditation, community, and nature. Getting connected with people and myself.

Kayoll Gyan: What are you going to start with? I think we should pick one for this month, or maybe for the next two months to give ourselves some grace.

Cassandra Dell: Before I can think, the month is gone. If we divide the year into quarters, January to March, we can practice one or two things. What’s the “game changer” for you?

Kayoll Gyan: I would do two because of the overachiever in me. Reflection is at the end of the day, so I can find time for that. Spending time reflecting and reading my Bible is one. The other is physical activity. I feel like I can focus on those two.

Cassandra Dell: You can so do this. It’s just a time management thing. Where in the circle of things can you insert this?

Kayoll Gyan: I’ve had to ask myself what my walk with Christ looks like. It doesn’t have to look like an hour of reading every day. If I go through my day with my heart postured on having a continuous conversation with Christ, that is meaningful.

It’s a relationship. I talk, but I must also listen and subject myself to his will. Seeking him is the first one because everything else flows from that for me.

Cassandra Dell: Centering yourself in your religious practice, and everything else will follow suit.

Kayoll Gyan: Sometimes going for a walk will be the physical part, where I’m talking to God but also moving my body. They can work together.

Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Cassandra Dell: I totally get this. My top two are organization and discernment. I have too many tabs open. I am discounting what disorder does to my psychological energy.

I’m asking for my inner voice to speak with me and ask for wisdom. What is for me, and what do I need to put down without feeling like I’m missing an opportunity? What is for you is for you. You don’t have to spread yourself this thin. Those are my top two non-negotiables for the next 90 days.

Kayoll Gyan: I love that. All right, girl, we’ve got to do this.

Cassandra Dell: I already put it in the calendar for two weeks from now. I’m going to give you a soft nudge.

Kayoll Gyan: I’m going to start all this probably January 2nd, after I press submit on this deadline. In the meantime, I’m going to at least think about what type of activity I want to join.

For those listening, let us know what things you are working on for the new year. What are you trying to do better for yourself?

Cassandra Dell: We’re all learning as we go. When you tap into your network and people navigating similar situations, you learn a lot. I’m open to that, too. Until next time, y’all. Thanks for listening.

Kayoll Gyan: Be hopeful.

Cassandra Dell: Be hopeful.